Julia

She was as crisp as fresh fruit at the base of my tongue

Her sweetness filled me up like a cup with no bottom

I felt her love swimming there

In the centre

Around the circumference

Back and forth

Like eager waves,

Bright blue and glistening,  

Caressing my feet

The curves of my calves

My thighs

And the core of my lust

Now lush with wetness

And the aching of her goodbyes

Every time I hear the drip of a tap

Or the rush of the sea

I remember her

Like an ocean

Resting

Above

Me

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I wanted you without knowing you were not for the seeking, not for the needing or pleading cries of be mine. You were not for the loving. Not wholly. The spaciness of you was too big for my heart, too heavy for my soul, not even my shoulders could carry the weight of you. Not fully.

If only you were more for the cutting, I’d chop the muchness of you into more manageable pieces; I’d slash and burn the difficulty of you. But knives don’t frighten you do they, not even diamond tipped tears could scratch the pristine, pretty-coloured gleaminess of you. Like mercury, you were always the wielder of the sword. Knight shining and me, enamoured of you. You impenetrable thing. You unforgettable, tall tale, fable of a thing. Unthinkable, unsinkable thing.

You. 

Dear Georgia,

Memories come more easily than air, but I rather breathe you than oxygen. I rather suffocate on your scent, even when I’ve forgotten what you smell like. And tonight, moonlight comes to mind as I force to inhale, punctured lungs spilling lunar eclipses across my pillow. You often come to me just before the day cracks like a stepped on mirror, shattered light scattering across the sky as thoughts of you spark and stutter through my mind like a broke down car rolling along the highway. Passed the old lady who sold us coconut ice pops for dollar-fifty and the palm tree that overlooked our first kiss that night after confirmation class. I repeat you like a psalm laid over piano keys and fingers that reach out for a touch until I remember you’re not really there.

But missing, missing doesn’t quite suffice. It’s too small a thought to swallow all this feeling, these waves that crash over me like an ocean of heat, the way those molten days of summer used to drip like syrup and coat our bodies, naked and breathless, as we lay piled on top of each other in the haze of your tiny room. I wanted to squeeze you open like a guinep, watch you burst and blossom, and eat you whole, anything to know if you were just as sweet on the inside. I miss you more than missing can describe and this lack of you acts as a time machine with no instruction, as sporadic and untimely as my dreams. If I could, I would dial the clocks back to the moment I first heard you laugh, bottle the sounds and drink you like happiness. Drunk on your smile, artificial high until I kiss you again, taste your lips again.

It’s not enough but missing’s all I’ve got. That and ‘I love you.’

I love grapes. And the ocean. 

The sun never sets in this city

Light clings to the horizon like a jealous King gripping his crown as he banishes the moon. The stars are all fallen knights, imprisoned by concrete walls and street lamps cocooned in expired posters and stale graffiti. There are no sparkling sapphire skies here, no constellations to connect the images of childhood dreams birthed on islands, only a dull orange haze hanging low in the distance and a lot of people who never look up because there’s nothing to see. It is a place where new faces, like yours, go as unnoticed as misplaced stars.

Your fire blew the sun away

Burnt my sky to smoke

and choked me

Your light drowned the day

Left my hopes and dreams to soak

as stars swam out to meet me

Billie

Heavy he hangs above it all

Dangling feet, twisted and small

The earth breathes and softly they sway

Pendulum swings to trace the day

 

Oiled ropes tightened with ease

Burnt cocoons flung against the breeze

Clipped wings lost on southern winds

Fluttering hopes blackened and singed

 

Crying, she fights to pull him down

With tears she bathes him, toes to crown

To the river she quickens to rest her child

Passed armed blue eyes and quivering smiles

 

There by the bank, at noon, she kneels

As the sun scorns the land and scorches her heels

With trembling hands she closes his eyes

And floats his body towards the Nile